The Internet is thick with theories regarding who put Ricin in the august Senate chambers. Trucktalk.com suggests their kin, upset with the administration policy on immigration trucks (amnesty for trucks that can demonstrate better-than-average fuel economies over the last decade) has upset some goodoleboy truckers who wanted to remind the government that Ricin spelled backwards is family. Augustisthemonth.com says nothing of consequence happens in the other eleven months, so that theory doesn't hold water. And April is certainly not the cruelest month, no matter what the poet says.
Wilderthanthat.com suggests this is a Republican plot. Sensing the Bush administration (and the Congress) is being caught in one lie after the other, some Watergate-like operatives planted the substance in Senator Frisk's office, hoping for a sympathy backlash. The irony, this web site suggests, is this Ricin came from Iraq and was trucked out by VP Cheney's old company Howcanwebuythatstan. The gasoline for this voyage cost more than the chemical. The administration denied it was looking for sympathy. To prove its point the entire Bush cabinet went to church and prayed for the bad guys.
Wetbehindtheears.com thinks the Ricin plant was a drug sale gone wrong. As wilderthanthat.com reported in 2003, 17% of Congress use cocaine or other illegal drugs. The rest are heavily into prescription medicine and oppose the criminal prosecution of Russ Limburger. Wetbehind suggests the Senate leader was looking for a fix because he soon will be indicted by a Special Proscecutor for participating in the alleged bribery of Democrats during the debate on the Medicare prescription bill. Youain'tseennothingyet.com has already asserted that most of the Congress was on drugs when the Iraq resolution passed. Senator Bird, quoting at length from Shakespeare's Coriolanus and especially from the blood-soaked, slash and burn Webster plays denies he participated in such behavior and also denies he was asleep.
Morebirdseed.com says the other sites are barking up the wrong tree. The chemical plant in Frisk's office was actually an inside job by a postal worker who went postal because he opposed recent Federal policy that called for mail carriers to get painful rabies shots in case they are bitten by a dog. The Post Office argued that it was much more cost effective to inconvenience mail carriers than suffer the multi-billion dollar legal claims from people who thought the carriers' outfits, actions, and accents spooked their beloved pets and prompted a completely understandable response. Birdbrain.com adds that the postal worker is probably of Middle Eastern extract, trained for a summer in thatotherstan, and has taken driving lessons. He plans to drive a fuel-laden Mexican immigrant truck, complete with NAFTA approval, down Pennsylvania Avenue while the government is examing the Ricin in its navel. Which is exactly what Trucktalk.com warned about during the NAFTA debate.
Posted by Chuck at February 4, 2004 05:20 PM | TrackBack