The Naming, a little known Flordia-based arm of the Committee to Reelect the President, is deeply concerned about language. Staffed by out-of-work professors, semanticists, and linguists, The Naming's task is to bring Presidential language, phrases and terms into popular discourse. For example, when Bush said during a 2000 debate that Christ had the most influence on Mr. Bush's intellectual development, within days every Southern Baptist Church (including the Reformed) were selling T-shirts sporting images of Rodin's The Thinker emblazoned with the slogan "Christ-like." The T-shirts were also offered on more than 500 church web sites.
When President Bush deflected a question about Iraq, saying "We know what we're doing. We're not ad hocing around." The Naming immediately began a campaign to have " ad hoc" accepted as an active verb by the Grammar Society of America. The Naming asked Republicans everywhere to use ad hoc as a verb so the Oxford English Dictionary would have to include it in the next edition. The Republican National Committee donated $100,000 to the cash-strapped Modern Language Association so it would devote it's entire annual conference to the controversy surround "ad hoc." Britney Spears has introduced the phrase to a younger audience by saying that, "despite the video, I definitely did not ad hoc him."
The Naming has suggested to the president that Americans need to feel emotionally closer to Iraq, especially with the current turmoil. One suggestion is that new Republican parents name their children after Iraqi cities, including Basra, Falluja, and Tikrit. The academics suggest that Iraq still seems like a foreign country to most Americans. Moreover, the people living there do not speak English. One way to make the war effort more palatible is to name children after the cities. Who could oppose the war when beautiful Tikrit is staring at you with her big blue eyes? The Republican National Committee is not pleased that some parents have named their children Sarin or Sareen because it sounds so gracious. The academics reminded the politicans that such confusion is inevitable because the word is not the thing.
Not all of The Naming's suggestions have met with approval. The Naming suggested that a Republican adopt every dead Iraqi and provide financial support to the family. In return the family would have to give the deceased a Christian name and baptize him or her in absentia. In other word the deceased would become a Christian and the family would be well-paid in return. The academics argued that given all the death in Iraq, in a few years Iraq would be a Christian nation and a democratic vote would be assured.
The administration liked the idea in principle but didn't want to undercut the very fine faith-based work Amerian military men and women are already doing in Iraq.
As one administration source noted, "This is not Chicago in the 1960s when the dead showed up to vote. We are not interested in buying votes. The president is convinced that the righteous in Iraq will be left standing."
The Naming advised Republicans that the source didn't mean the Democratic Left would be left standing. It also advised that ad hoc had been accepted by the Grammarians as an active verb and therefore couldn't by definition be the name of a child. The academics also pointed out that dove was a verb so it couldn't be a bird and that the phrase"turning into driveway" was ridiculous. But dove could also be a child's name and thousands of children will be released by the ad hocing delegates during the Republican National Convention in New York. The Christ-like children will fly past the absent 9/11 towers while the delegates roll the world in a terror ball aided by the cool, sure language of The Naming.
Posted by Chuck at May 18, 2004 02:36 PM | TrackBack