Cash Cows

                                                                               Cash 
Cows

The Wall Street Journal reported recently that McDonald's is not catering 
to the core of their business that contributes 60% of the company's 
revenues. I'm talking about 400-pound down linemen, piano movers and 
large-muscled ballerinas who can consume five Big Macs in one sitting.

On the contrary, the company caters to the rug rats who whine about their 
fries being soggy from too much ketchup. Or they plead with their parents 
for the latest Pokemon twit. What's a real man to do?

Airlines have frequent flyer miles, Starbucks has a free coffee for the 
heavy user, but McDonald's has nothing.

Well, it has the Happy Meal greatly overpricedfor the little buggers who 
make everyone's life a misery.

But nothing for truck drivers.

This neglect, however, is about to change.

McDonald's will announce a major marketing campaign, aimed at the beefy 
user, during the upcoming Superbowl.

Six 30-second television spots and a two minute, half-time commercial will 
announce the new "Adoptand EatYour Own Cow" program. Simply put, the 
company will identity heavy users and send them a video that features cows 
being readied for slaughter.

Then down linemen will be invited to pick their favorite cow, name it and, 
if the consumer wishes, actually visit the beast at the company's expense. 
McDonald's will give regular updates on the weight and pertinent dimensions 
such as girth and approximate poundage after slaughter.

If the consumer wishes, he or she can witness and even take part in the 
actual slaughterafter an appropriate training course. The consumer will be 
able to take home a souvenir from the slaughterhouse, such as ears, tail or 
toenails.

The actual burgers will be made to the consumer's specifications and sent 
to the local store in his or her  area. Those in the program will be able 
to call ahead and specify what part of the cow they want for lunch and how 
it is to be prepared.

Donald Lock, marketing vice-president for domestic sales, sees this as a 
breakthrough program that will capture the consumer's imagination. "The 
emphasis in the new millennium will be on service as much as product. We 
think the heavy users of our product will be delighted with the opportunity 
to get up close and personal with the beef they will be eating for the 
foreseeable future. Frankly, I think heavy-users such as piano movers will 
consume even more beef because of the familiarity. We're actually thinking 
about contests to award the person who first consumes the whole cow, with 
allowances for the varying weights, of course."

Ronald McDonald did not respond to numerous requests for interviews.