International Correspondent Prince Charlie writes that cow worship will go a long way to relieve boredom, reduce constipation, and bring about lasting world peace. It will certainly improve our driving.

We have lived through the Age of Anxiety, the Age of Angst, and now we are
living in the Godless Age. Membership is the Church of England is declining.
Recent research indicates that more people watch World Wide Wrestling on a
Sunday morning than grace the pews in our Anglican churches.

Some churches are going to great lengths to bring parishioners back. A
church in York has instituted a lottery. Of course, you have to be there to
win. A church in Southampton advertises on billboards and on rap radio as if
Christ were some kind of celebrity. How much like Catholics we have become.

The notes psychiatrist Carl Jung said that we have lost our religious sense
because our abiding myths have lost their power and resonance. What, after
all, does Little Red Riding Hood say to the modern soul. Jung considered the
elevation of Mary early in the century as an important new myth, but not for
us Protestants. We are not in the business of worshipping mere mortals, not
matter how immaculate the conception.

We need a new myth which would provide new meaning to the lost souls lured
away by the wrestling. Here we should look to others cultures. Perhaps
Christ has been carrying our burden-literally our sins-for too long. His has
been a heavy load indeed. Consider the Indians in that vast continent. They
are a happy nation and only occasionally kill Christians and Pakistanis.
What is their secret. I suggest their secret is cow worship. We can learn
from this practice.

Not too long ago this great land was made a laughing stock due to the
so-called Mad Cow Disease. Foreigners saw this as the result of dirty
British habits, such as not washing our hands before slaughter or feeding
road-kill to ravenous cows.

That is just one point of view. Another way to see Mad Cow Disease is that
it was a sign sent from God. I'll venture these cows were no more mad than
the poor souls locked up in mad houses during the nineteenth century.
History has shown than many of these people were holy. They were in contact
with the divine.

I believe we witness the divine in the Mad Cows.  Not surprisingly, we
slaughtered, rather than learned from, them. This was another crucifixion.
Man has a habit of killing what he doesn't understand.

I believe the cows in our midst are holy and deserving of worship. I realize
it will be hard for a national of meat eaters to give up the cow, but
consider how much progress has been made with veggie burgers. 

And giving the cows free rein over the country, will make us all more
civilized. We will slow down and be 
less aggressive. We will begin to love our neighbors.

Look at India!