If you are weary of cow burgers try the French version which is topped with Roquefort cheese and Agen plums. Just don't ask for fries.

The French Beef


Have you noticed that foie gras and Roquefort cheese, two staples in the
American diet, are getting more expensive. Don't blame the French. Blame the
Mad Cow.

The Cow is an easy target because it weighs two tons and moves with all the
grace of a rhino. Plus, the commodity cow has been cheapened more than pork
rinds on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. Poor buggers. Slaughtered by the
millions, they still are blamed for everyone from toe jam to spinal bifida.
Still, the cow bangers have a point.

The world would have been a better and more beautiful place if certain
unnamed cows in Kent, England  hadn't eaten one of their sleeping brethren
while they were on a binge of curds and whey. The rest is history. When man
eats his brother he gets a bad case of pimples or the runs but cows go mad.
Or, as the British say, wobbly. It's not pretty and it's certainly not fair.
Cows have a long history of meek behavior. One drunken night and you're dead
meat.

So the term mad cow is a euphemism for everything from passing gas to
passing out. Sharp as pencils, the environmental Nazis have found a certain
mad cowness in genetically manufactured food. The same foot soldiers equate
hormone-fed beef with the cow scare and with American imperialism. Makes
sense. Some cows have design patterns on their flanks that look like a map
of Texas. One can certainly see the association. By the way my favorite cow
looks like Alaska. 

Now  French beefers are protesting McDonald's, the original cow burger,
because it too has an American odor. Also sharp as pencils the Mac people
substituted duck breast and foie Gras for beef in the Big Mac. Or, "Big
Magret au Foie Gras", which has all the sex appeal of exploding goose
livers. In the Agen region burghers are serving burgers topped with
Roquefort cheese and Agen plums. It's called "Roquefort-burger aux pruneaux
d'Agen."

Almost makes you pine for sheep brains.