McDonald's. which has long neglected its core constituency--down lineman, piano movers, and large muscled ballerinas--is finally catering to the big guys. Now they can own a cow, cradle to grave.

Cash Cows


The Wall Street Journal reported recently that McDonald's is not catering to
the core of their business that contributes 60% of the company's revenues.
I'm talking about 400-pound down linemen, piano movers and large-muscled
ballerinas who can consume five Big Macs in one sitting.

On the contrary, the company caters to the rug rats who whine about their
fries being soggy from too much ketchup. Or they plead with their parents
for the latest Pokemon twit. What's a real man to do?

Airlines have frequent flyer miles, Starbucks has a free coffee for the
heavy user, but McDonald's has nothing.

Well, it has the Happy Meal -greatly overpriced-for the little buggers who
make everyone's life a misery.

But nothing for truck drivers.

This neglect, however, is about to change.

McDonald's will announce a major marketing campaign, aimed at the beefy
user, during the next football season. 

Six 30-second television spots and a two minute, half-time commercial will
announce the new "Adopt-and Eat-Your Own Cow" program. Simply put, the
company will identity heavy users and send them a video that features cows
being readied for slaughter.

Then down linemen will be invited to pick their favorite cow, name it and,
if the consumer wishes, actually visit the beast at the company's expense.
McDonald's will give regular updates on the weight and pertinent dimensions
such as girth and approximate poundage after slaughter.

If the consumer wishes, he or she can witness and even take part in the
actual slaughter-after an appropriate training course. The consumer will be
able to take home a souvenir from the slaughterhouse, such as ears, tail or
toenails.

The actual burgers will be made to the consumer's specifications and sent to
the local store in his or her  area. Those in the program will be able to
call ahead and specify what part of the cow they want for lunch and how it
is to be prepared.

Donald Lock, marketing vice-president for domestic sales, sees this as a
breakthrough program that will capture the consumer's imagination. "The
emphasis in the new millennium will be on service as much as product. We
think the heavy users of our product will be delighted with the opportunity
to get up close and personal with the beef they will be eating for the
foreseeable future. Frankly, I think heavy-users such as piano movers will
consume even more beef because of the familiarity. We're actually thinking
about contests to award the person who first consumes the whole cow, with
allowances for the varying weights, of course." 

Ronald McDonald did not respond to numerous requests for interviews.