The New Navy
No longer will recruits at the Great Lakes Naval Training Center in Chicago
be subjected to insults and cajolery from Chief Petty Office Vincent Brody,
a diminutive Texan who for the last twenty years has made up for his
shortfall by making the lives of his recruits a misery.
CPO Brody has been sent to a retirement home in Amarillo but not before
taking a sensitivity training course about why he shouldn’t make fun of
grown men and women who wet the bed and cry for their mothers. Brody, whose
pension depends on saying the rights things to the press, has remarked that
“In the future the Navy must be gender-integrated in a kinder, gentler
military setting.”
In the past recruits who entered the Naval Training Center received on
arrival a skin haircut, ill-fitting clothes, and a bunk with a half-inch
mattress.
Now, according to NavRegNow001, arriving recruits will be met by a Master
of Ceremonies who encourages them to mingle at a wine and cheese party.
Only when they are fully relaxed are recruits asked to endure a hair cut.
However, they are able to choose individual cuts from examples offered in
fashion magazines such as Vogue, Elle, and GQ.
The Navy is also very concerned about fashion. Recruits can opt for a
private meeting with a designer who will fashion an appropriate wardrobe.
Bell bottoms are no longer required. Monogrammed shirts are acceptable as
long as no nicknames are used. Hats are optional as they are considered to
detract from a person’s individuality. Beards, mustaches, nose and nipple
rings are acceptable as long as they don’t bring exaggerated attention to
body parts. According to NavRegNow002. “Tattoos are permitted as long as
they invoke some nautical or nationalistic theme. For example, the sinking
of the Titanic would not be acceptable because they would be considered a
bad omen. But the sinking of the Bismarck is legal.
“Also, flags from other countries are not permitted as tattoos. This
includes Puerto Rico, Mexico and Guam because these symbols might put
sailors in a difficult position if America goes to war with any of these
countries.”
(Legal representatives for Guamanian sailors, who do most of the Navy’s
laundry and dishes, have filed a class action suit claiming NavRegNow002
denies them the comfort of home when they are doing the Navy’s dirty work.)
The physical training regimen has changed considerably at Great Lakes.
Instead of long runs, push-ups on demand, rope climbing, time in the tear
gas chamber, and swim tests, recruits will have a choice of activities.
According to NavRegNow003, “Naval training recruits may select their
physical regimen based on background, body weight, and interest. For
example, chess can replace rope climbing if the local commander decides
this decision will make the recruit happier and less likely to resign. The
antiquated regulation that every sailor must know how to swim has been
eliminated. Recruits can choose to swim, of course, but they can also
choose water polo, water aerobics, and assisted floating.
“Activities such as yoga, deep breathing, and meditation are acceptable as
the Navy feels they will make the recruits more peaceful, balanced and less
likely to provoke a war. In this vein more emphasis should be given to
conflict resolution, preferably led by female commanders or recruits who
are generally less war-like than their male counterparts.”
No matter the activity, the recruit who feels overwhelmed can call for a
“time out to call family, loved ones, or therapist for counseling. This
right is inviolate and under no circumstances should be denied unless
written instructions are obtained from COMSERVPAC.”
The military component of recruit training has also changed. According to
NavRegNow004, Recruits are no longer required to disassemble and reassemble
an assault rifle blindfolded in one minute while in a tear gas chamber
under the barking commands of a supervisor.
Now recruits can do this anywhere they desire--on the front lawn, in the
toilet, etc., taking as much time as they want. They can get help from the
Internet or place a “lifeline” call to a soldier of fortune. Recruits are
not judged on how well the weapon works after the procedure but whether the
recruit’s self-esteem has been enhanced. No one is required to fire a
weapon as such activity is thought to breed hostility and resentment.
The same approach is taken on written exams, which are all open-book.
Recruits might be asked what the color of the sea is. Then they are asked
how the color makes them feel. They are graded on personal expression.
Spelling is not a factor. Ebonics is accepted. It is also acceptable to put
these feelings in rap lyrics. The Navy thinks this change will benefit the
many minority recruits who enlist each year without receiving a high school
education.
Understandably, much attention is paid to sexual harassment in the new
Navy. NavRegNow005 states that “Looking at a female recruit for more than
three seconds constitutes sexual harassment. Looking at her for two
seconds, if the male exhibits a leer, drool, or wink, constitutes the same
offense. Looking at her for one second if you are naked is also considered
sexual harassment. If a female sailor thinks a sailor wanted to look at
her, he can be found culpable because ignoring her may be a sign of
superiority.
Male recruits are given extensive class work on shipboard protocol. If a
male sailor wishes to pass a female in the narrow passages of the ship, he
must say: “By your leave Ms.” If she doesn’t say “Affirmative sailor,” he
must walk backwards until she is able to find safe passage. If he touches
any part of her body or tunic, he is subjected to a summary court martial
by a panel of women named by the offended party. She has the right to
choosefor the jury relatives including mother and maiden aunt. If found
guilty, the male can be assigned to hard labor for the rest of the cruise.
He will also lose his rating.”
Great Lakes’ male recruits are not permitted to engage in heavy weight
training because that will further differentiate them from the women. They
can use light weights with high repetitions mainly to give their bodies
definition. Women, on the other hand, are encouraged to lift heavy weights
to put on bulk and develop an aggressiveness that will help them better fit
in to a traditional male environment.
Women are encouraged to use steroids. Men are given large doses of salt
peter--potassium nitrate--to reduce their sexual desires. While the use of
salt peter has been an institution in the navy for years, NavRegNow006
permits the navy to provide this substance intravenously while recruits are
sleeping to reduce nocturnal activities. Men who display inappropriate
erections are given shock treatment. Male recruits are also encouraged to
take ballet lessons.
No recruit is forced to march as this is thought to reduce their
individuality. Instead, their Company Commander takes them out for a stroll
during which they might identity species of perennial plants while
lip-synching tunes from The Sound of Music. At all times recruits are
encouraged to improvise.
Most observers think that this kind of social experimentation will
continue. As Professor Elizabeth Hurley, military historian, has remarked,
“Men have been training our military for centuries and we still have wars.
Shouldn’t that give us pause?
“Perhaps we have prepared our men too well--to kill, maim, and destroy.
Today we don’t need warriors; we need diplomats and negotiators. Frankly, I
would like to see more English and education majors--both men and women--in
uniform because there is sufficient evidence to suggest when the going gets
tough, these people will reflect and think twice before they offend anyone.
“Can you imagine how short the war would be if an English major were
running the show?”
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