Bin Laden is Riding High on Madison Avenue's Rolling Celebrity Index.

                                                         Terror Marketing



The hottest Madison Avenue fad is “Terror Marketing,” not to be confused
with the marketing of terror. The premise is simple: terrorists such as bin
Laden and the shoe bomber have gained an awful notoriety and notoriety
sells products.

Jamie “Chip” Block, spokesman for New Age Marketing in New York
(newagemarketing/terror sells.com) goes to great lengths to explain that he
knew people lost in the WTC terror attack. “We have all been touched in New
York and my company has generously donated to the various funds. However,
our business simply reflects the public mood and conveys this mood to our
clients who are primarily advertisers and marketers of consumer goods.”

In plain English this means bin Laden is hot. He might be wanted dead or
alive by President Bush but that has only increased what Block calls the
Rolling Celebrity Index (RCI) that measures a celebrity’s impact, positive
or negative, on product endorsement. So what kinds of products could bin
Laden be associated with?

“We are early in our research,” Block notes “but this guy has range. Since
he is already on the list of the World’s Worst Dressed Men,  he probably
will not be selling Armani suits right away, even though the CIA has shaved
his bead, put him in an Italian suit and sunglasses and flooded the
Pakistani border area with photos of the new man. He looks like any other
business man trying to make a buck. Women want to marry this guy. 

“So he might be better used by a male grooming products to show how someone
who has lived in a cave can be transformed if he showers, shaves, and picks
the lice out of his hair. Of course, this has to be done with a sense of
humor and the ads would likely appear in MAXIM, FHM, or MEN’S HEALTH,
magazines that don’t take themselves too seriously. But, given the anthrax
scare, there won’t be any scent panels in these ads though one agency
thought before and after scent strips would work in MAXIM. You know, this
is what an unwashed, cavemen, Islamic terrorist really smells like. We came
up with a few samples that smelled like a cross between camel dung and
dinosaur breath but the client thought it too risky.  

“I haven’t given up on this angle. A shaving products company will be test
marketing on ad showing a bearded bin Laden with real hair. The consumer
will actually be able to shave him with a razor that is mounted on the
cover of the particular magazine. Of course, the advertiser knows that the
consumer might not simply shave bin Laden but that is the beauty of
interactive marketing. The consumer can take our his or her aggression on
this terrorist and help the American economy by buying a product made in
the USA. We have received a clinical endorsement from our staff
psychologist who says Americans need to vent their anger in constructive
ways.”

Apparently bin Laden’s Rolling Celebrity Index (RCI) has a very high
negative bias that makes him more of a foil. Block agrees. “Bin Laden is no
Britney Spears. I mean people don’t love the guy. But he has more
television face time and name recognition than the Pope. Next to porn, he
is the most searched subject on the Net. There are more babies in Islamic
countries called bin than there are Johns in America. He would have been
named TIME magazine’s Person of the Year if K-Mark and Wal-Mart had not
threatened to boycott the title. Sure he looks a little weary from all
those 2,000-pound bombs and Daisy Cutters dropped on his head but that only
means he needs more male grooming products and a better mattress.”   

If bin Laden is so hot, what about the shoe bomber who has become the
darling of shoe companies trying to find out what sneakers he was wearing.
Block thinks the shoe bomber is too hot to handle. “What happens if the
shoe bomber was wearing a pair of Nikes,” Block asks? “What can Nike do
with this guy? Give him an endorsement contract? That would give the whole
terror marketing business a bad name. That would only legitimize what he
tried to do. It would make him a hero. Anyway, that clown couldn’t even
light a match.”

And how is this different than what Block is doing?

Block is forthright. “We are in it for the money. We don’t glamorize
criminals. We’ll dump bin Laden as soon as a terrorist with a higher RCI
comes along.”